In the kitchen...

One place that will always make me think about Leo is the kitchen.  Leo always made sure I had the most handy/needed kitchen tools...I also got a few of his kitchen tools when he died.  When I have people in my kitchen and we are using something from Leo - I get the question "where did you get that?"  me: "Leo"  Friend: "oh, of course..."  :)

Wednesday - I woke up with a slight headache - that turned into one of the worst migraines I've ever had.  I left work early - slept for about 7 hours during the afternoon/early evening - called my mom in tears.  I don't care how old I am...my mom telling me i'll be okay...always helps!  However, after my last round of sleeping/medicine - I woke up with a headache that I was able to tolerate.  At that point in the day...it was time for dinner.

I have been wanting to  try this mushroom pasta recipe.  I love love love mushrooms - and had a variety pack of them.  Sadly, when I unwrapped them - it was a few days late - and I was back to the classic "what do I make for dinner..."   I went with a broccoli pasta.  This specific recipe called for garlic.  I was getting my garlic ready...and I reached for my phone to call Leo to ask him a question.  Literally, I picked up my phone to call him.  It was awful.  I immediately broke into tears.  I kept thinking how I wish I could ask him just a fucking question about garlic.  How unfair is it...that Leo is gone...and I can't ask him about garlic. 

I love to cook - and I always loved trying new recipes.  I am starting to wonder if my lack of interest is due to the fact that my personal chef and wealth of knowledge is gone...  Sure...I hear music and think of Leo...but we didn't connect over music.  We connected as a family - over dinners - over coffee - over sitting in the kitchen watching The Daily Show or MSNBC.  One of my favorite things to do was sit in the kitchen with him... 

What I have come to realize about going through a loss - this feeling is always present.  Some days are worse than others - but I carry this sadness around constantly.  He is one of the first thoughts that cross through my mind in the morning.  I think about him all the time...

I've been watching YouTube videos of him...just to hear his voice.  There is this one where he is introducing the 2011-2012 season...he is so funny and smart.  I just wish there was a 2011-2012 season...

God I miss him...