I'm scared to allow myself to feel. so scared actually. The seldom time I allow myself to feel - the overwhelming and quick emotions that come out remind me why the fear is there.
When will I not miss him so much? When will I be able to listen to ED and not burst out in tears? When can I shop for olive oil - and not feel the ache in my heart - because I simply want to tell him what kind I purchased. Shopping at TJ Max for oils/spices was one of the many favorite subjects of conversation. I now hate going down that section of TJ's. However, I got my mom (and myself :) ) this cool pasta measuring tool. He would have loved it.
I've enjoyed life with less tears - but it's because I'm pushing this aside. I fear what side-effects this might have.
Funny, I just noticed today's 'google doodle' - Leo gave Klimt's "the kiss" to my mom - as a magnet I believe. Funny how the tiniest reminders are all around :).
love and miss you always, Leo
K
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