Halloween

The girls at work and I went out to eat for Miki's last day.  Tomorrow is the big day for little EK to enter the world!  We had just sat down - looking over the menu and I see my phone light up with a notification.  It was a post on FB from my mom that simply said "This is so lovely. I'm crying again."  

Of course I have to open FB to find out what she is talking about.  She posted the link to an article that was written about Leo.  I started reading the article at the table and tears were just streaming down my face.  I had to stop reading the article.  I was upset that I had allowed my weakness (tears) to be seen.  I was upset, annoyed, or whatever that someone outside of my family had made me cry about the topic of Leo.  I expressed, out loud, "why are they still writing articles!  do they not know how this makes his family feel?"  I think most of all - I was mad that I was overcome with emotions at a time that I hadn't allowed.  (Read lack of control :) )  

However, once I got home - read the article again and cried in peace - I am thankful and honored. 
a year and a half after his death and his community and friends still thinks about, misses, and loves him.  I hardly talk about Leo to anyone.  In fact, I can't recall the last time I talked to anyone about him besides my mom.  I am definitely able to hide my grief - and don't share the fact that tears still fall frequently.  

This article reminds me that grief is a LONG, fucking LONG journey.  Probably one that will never end.  I feel like this is a lesson/fact that I'll never accept and/or learn.  It takes articles - or the fact that I'm almost out of the pepper corns he gave me in college and i have NO idea what kind they were.  Or where to get them - that reminds me just how long the journey is.  The journey involves lots of emotions, good and bad times, confusion, growth, etc, etc.  

However, this beautifully written article helps me realize that I'm not alone.  I'll never be alone in my journey of losing Leo - because I have a community just 600 miles north of me that feel the same way.  

I posted the link and my favorite line from the article on my own FB page this afternoon that sums up how I felt about the article: 

"He was real. He was warm. He was full of ideas. He was a genius. He was unique." Another wonderful article about my step-father Leo. Goodness - I miss this man.

 

Rob Clark - Thank you for the article. 

Kathryn