terrified.

I'm terrified of my grief.  Right now, I feel like my only company is grief.

Grief is a horrible companion.

I'm scared of really feeling the full range and depth of my emotions.  Lately, I have been crying a lot more.  I think I've cried at least 7 times today.  In my crying spells - I just say over and over "i want my mom...I just want my mom..."  It seems like such a simple request...

I need to let myself scream, be angry, cry, etc - it's part of the process.  But this process is fucking scary...and I want to hold on to every single piece of my mother and not accept my reality.

This grief is also something I can't escape...

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear."  -C.S. Lewis