coffee

For over 8 months now - Leo's Anthropologie "L" mug has been wrapped in a box - sitting in my dining room.   Most of the gifts I got mom and Leo were a combo gift...but last year...I got them individual mugs from Anthro...see here...adorable right?

When I went back to MI for a month after he died - I brought all their gifts I had collected to mom.  Bottles of wine from Napa Valley, art, books, etc...I took mom her R mug...but left the L here in Nashville.  I struggled with my decision - do I leave the mug here in Nashville or give it to my mom?  I decided to leave it here...she has plenty of "things" to remind her of him...

So the mug is here in Nashville.  It's odd what things I want to "keep" - I kept the gift tag where I wrote "To: Leo  Love: Kathryn."  Not sure why really...maybe because it's the very last gift tag I'll ever write to him...not sure.

I was surprised by how easy it was for me to unwrap the box.  What wasn't easy was seeing "L."  Here is the mug...and I didn't mean for this to happen in the picture, but his tea-pot behind it (he had to buy mom a new since he messed this one up - but it's still fully functional - so I took it!)...and a few inches up...you would see his pepper grinder. 

I decided to drink my morning coffee out of it today.  I didn't cry all morning - a few tears did fall - but it wasn't my normal type of crying.  Here is the mug at the "coffee station" - which - I get nervous anytime that glass container gets low...something else I got from Mom and Leo :).

Speaking of "normal"...Tracy and I talked last night...and we talked about the Republican primary and politics in general - for awhile.  It was a good discussion.  I have been thinking about politics a lot lately.  I was telling her how excited it makes me...because it means that I'm starting to think and focus on something other than my grief.  Not that I'm "over it" or "moved on"...but I'm looking at it as if I'm figuring out who I am with Leo dying.  More like I'm getting used to this feeling...and still living...parts of me are coming back.

It feels good.  However, I am being careful to not get too familiar with this feeling.  I know that my wound is healing/forming a scab - but anything and everything can knock it back off and it could bleed for days.   Therefore, I approach this feeling with lots of caution. 

I LOVE a good cup of coffee.  Weekends are my favorite - because I take the time to enjoy it out of a mug.  Today, my mug had a L on it...for Leo.  I love him and would love nothing more to have one more cup of his coffee with him.  Actually, I blame my coffee dependancy on mom and Leo...

However, his influence was always for the good - and anyone who knows me - knows about my love for a good cup of coffee.

Thanks for all the wonderful cups of coffee Leo.

Kathryn