please tell me the panic is not back!

I had what felt like a tiny panic attack today.  It had been months and months since I've had one.  Why today?  It was a bad day.  I went out with my friend Randi last night - and it was great!  However, we talked about friends, Leo, life...I held back my tears many times throughout the night.  I have discovered when I do this...they build up and the next time I cry...it's like a dam broke.  Anyway, today...the typical stuff ...then I get a call from my dad.

My dad wanted to know what my plans were with going up to MI - bringing my dogs to them, etc.  I can't settle my thoughts to logically make a plan...I didn't have an answer yet.  Immediately frustrated, I started to unloaded my day to him.  I wanted to see if he wanted to meet at my granny's for mothers day - I can give him my dogs - see granny, etc.  That was when he told me that she had fallen 2 times this week.  The last time, she was outside and tried yelling for help.  However, no one heard her - so she crawled back to the house and called 911.  literally breaks my heart.  I was hoping the knee surgery would have helped her. 

Dad couldn't give me many of the details, because he was walking into an independent living place.  I immediately broke down and since have been feeling super panicky.  Now, I realize why my dad was trying to figure out what my plans were, because Granny and Papa might be moving soon.   I don't think they would be able to care for my insane dogs while they deal with this.

My dad is an only child - and there really isn't one else besides me, dad, carol and andrew for my grandparents.  Of course, I will go down and help them move and pack up.  However, this might prevent me from going to MI...I really am at a loss at what to do.  The fact that I need to make a decision soon is just adding more stress.  However, this is assuming that my grandparents will be moving within the next few weeks.  If it's not within the next few weeks - I do know it is coming soon...

I'm frustrated at myself for not being able to handle this...to resort to crying.  It doesn't solve anything and makes me feel like shit the rest of the evening.  It's hard not to cry when this anniversary is approaching...just 2 weeks away :(...I miss him - a ton.  But, at least I'm not alone...