"tonight made me believe rock 'n' roll is not dead"

The quote above is from Hayden after Alabama Shakes and Jack White at the Ryman.  He is my newest buddy.  He is someone that I would have never imagine to get along with so well, but if anything, this is a lesson to truly be myself around people.  I've kind of known him for about 4 years - but it's only been recent that we have hung out a few times. 

Last night was one a highlight of the last few months.  Easily.  Hayden offered to cook dinner before the show.  Of course, "Mr. I have a Facebook page called FoodPorn101 because I love cooking," I will come over and let you feed me.  The meal was amazing.  It was as if Leo has prepared the meal for me - which while I was standing in Hayden's kitchen - I found myself getting teary when I was telling him how helpless I was in the kitchen with Leo.  How I loved nothing more than just sitting back and watching him cook, but of course now, I regret not learning this skill from him.   Thankfully, any good chef is totally preoccupied with his/her meal - he had no idea that I was fighting tears.

This is what he made: Prosciutto wrapped sea scallops lying on a bed of leafy greens from the garden with sun-dried tomatoes, kalamata olives and red onion. It is all dressed with feta and a homemade red wine vinaigrette.  The picture is his too - but I stole it.  Thanks FB!  Yum!

After dinner, we left for the Ryman.  The show...wow.  WOW.  I want to sound old for a second...it was loud.  But good lord - it was a hell of a show.  I honestly believe that Hayden's quote summed it up perfectly.  I just had a great night...a few drinks...great company and music.  It's pretty hard to have a bad night with those variables.  

However, I did have a little hiccup in my night.  Apparently my car's battery voltage (whatever that means) had dwindled and that caused my fog lights to stay on.  Oh, okay...the car is like a year old...I shouldn't be having these issues!  I was up until 2am trying to figure out how to turn the lights off.  I looked in the fuse box - which note to self 'if you have been drinking - don't try to turn into a mechanic.' It was a little annoying having to deal with this car stuff - especially when I thought I was financially responsible for the bill (it's still under warranty so my cost is very little - thankfully) - but it's turned out okay.   Another friend was finding some joy out of my night.  It was purely based on jealously since he didn't go to the show, but he said this: "Life is one giant smile followed by a bitch slap."  Genius.

I love it.  It's true and funny - it's incredible.  That's what last night was...a giant smile followed by a mild bitch slap. 

I am most thankful that I had a fantastic time last night.  I'm thankful that I laughed a lot - had a great meal, listened to great live music - because tomorrow comes the 1 year anniversary of the biggest bitch slap I've ever experienced.  Last night helped break up my anticipation, dread and constant thoughts about tomorrow. 

I'd be lying if it wasn't on my mind most of today.  I keep thinking about my life exactly a year ago from today.  Trying to remember what life was like with Leo alive...what my life was like without this constant pain and ache in my heart.  It was a year ago today...I was sick, home from work...Leo was still alive and my life was "normal."  As I'm writing this post - in exactly 11 hours - I will have received that phone call.  I have a really hard time pinpointing what I'm feeling.  I guess, to put it simply, my emotions are erratic. 

However, as I'm sorting out the storm in my heart and head - the one thing that will always remain true - is that I love and miss Leo tremendously.  

xox
Kathryn