Just a tiny taste.

My Friday night has consisted of dog vomit.  My poor little Bruce got so sick tonight.  I have NO idea why or what caused it - but I was moments away from making an expensive journey to the emergency vet.

She is (or was...I struggle with verb tense...) always the first person I call for opinions/advice.  Tonight - I so desperately wanted to call her.  "Mom, bruce is vomiting all over the place - what do I do?  Should I take him to the vet?"  On the other end - her calming, matter of a fact voice would help me reach my decision.  

But I don't have that.  Not anymore.

And it's awful.

I daydream about talking to her a lot.

It's just so unfair.


 

Completely miserable.

I'm miserable.  Simply miserable.  Exhausted by my daily act and pretending to have my shit together.

Horrible breakdown tonight.  I miss talking to her.  I miss talking about her.

I have no one.  I feel like she has been erased from people's memories/minds - but yet I'm here alone - drowning in memories, wishes that will never happen and misery.  

I am so goddamn miserable and cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I just want my mom back.