"...a pure relief. The world will give you that once in a while, a brief timeout; the boxing bell rings and you go to your corner, where somebody dabs mercy on your beat-up life." - Sue Monk Kidd in The Secret Life of Bees.
I need a time out. Badly. I have never felt this sad in my entire life - and it's so frustrating. I thought I was suppose to be making progress. I feel worse than I ever have since Leo died.
I try to think/stay positive - and I simply cannot.
I miss my mom pre-Leo dying. God, I miss my mom. I feel like I've lost her...I miss talking to my sister. I wish my best friend from high school would call me - I wish someone else would care besides Tracy. I wish Jim could give me what I want...I wish I didn't have to end that friendship. It was a beautiful and needed distraction from my reality. I wish I had unlimited funds so I could distract myself by shopping.
I just wish a lot of things were different.
I wish I could go a day without crying. I've been crying all day today. I hate it. My eyes are already exhausted and it's only 2:15.
Surely, my time-out will come soon...
Kathryn
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