of course...

Do I jinx myself by expressing how I feel?  Because, yesterday was completely an emotional day.  I even opted to skip the Symphony last night.  Here are the series of events:

It was nasty in Nashville yesterday.  I have talked about how rain, my stress level, and my dogs - do not see eye to eye.  (by the end of my day - I had done two loads of towels in the washer - it was that muddy outside!)

Yesterday late afternoon - my mom sent me an email.  The email said this:


This is so crazy...I sent a message [to Leo] because I was feeling blue and this message showed up as a reply. It's a little message he sent me via FB about two years ago. My heart jumped out of my chest.

Here is the picture that was at the bottom of the email:

I was at work and it instantly brought tears to my eyes.  I was telling a friend on gchat that I didn't know if I was going to be able to attend the symphony that night.  This person wasn't very understanding - and didn't see why going would be difficult for me.   How could someone not understand how hard it is going to the symphony?  It was so frustrating to have to explain myself.  I had to make my situation comparable to a break up - and it annoyed me.  I think the message from mom, my frustration, the nasty day - all the emotions combined and I broke down at work.  

Last time I went to the symphony I was having an okay day, but I just sat there saying "Leo used to do this...Leo would love this...I wish I could talk to Leo about this..."  I knew that going last night wouldn't have been a good idea.  I knew that I would get emotional at the concert hall and I didn't want to experience that.  The same person on g-chat also said "it's okay to cry," but there is a difference between tearing up and having uncontrollable sobs.  Especially since I would be there by myself...it was a recipe for a horrible evening...

So I opted to stay home.  I think it was a good decision - there is no need to put myself in a situation that will make me more sad when I'm sad.  I talked to my mom about it - and she feels the same way.  I guess a lot of her friends want her to come see the band Leo used to direct - and it's just a painful reminder...why would she go?  That is how I felt about attending the symphony last night.

A week from today - my mom will be on her way to Nashville - yay!!!

Kathryn